Madge by Jingo

Against her father's wishes, Madge began frequenting gymnasiums. Lifting weights, hanging out with muscled men with curled mustaches, and using the phrase "by jingo." These sweat-stinking dens of iniquity were more than her poor father could bear.

Then things worsened when she saw a circus sideshow of a human cannonball. Madge immediately down-spiraled into the world of a carny. Her father cracked and finally kicked her out of the house. The stench of funnel cakes, corndogs, and gunpowder led her poor mother to be sent to a sanitorium. Fortunately, the size of Madge's head made her ideally suited for a life being shot out of a cannon. But fortune was fickle and Lefty, the cannon owner, fell in love with Louise, whose head was just as big as Madge's. But Louise's ears made a better seal in the cannon, and by jingo if she didn't fly.

As Madge's final hoorah with the sideshows, she tried her hand at letting Lefty shoot her in the stomach with a cannonball. But unfortunately, this maneuver to win Lefty's favor from Louise ended the day it began. Madge was strong enough, heaven knows, but at 10 feet, the blast caused her to shit her pants, which explosively blew off with the pressure. And she ruined her best pair of shoes.